Searching or Living

On August 29th my grandfather, Clyde Wyatt, died just before his 92nd birthday. You might remember I wrote about him here. He was an amazing man and had a tremendous impact on my life. His obituary was well written and talked about how much he loved living. I thought a lot about his life and compared it to how people live today. It seems to me that many people, at least the one's in some of my circles, are searching. Searching for something deeper, something to make them happier, a meaningful relationship, the right church, the right job, etc. And I began to wonder as I looked over his life if maybe we're spending so much time searching that we're no longer living. 

Papaw was secure in his relationships, most importantly with his relationship with Jesus. He didn't have all the answers, but he was secure. He only had an 8th grade education but understood exactly what Christ had done for him. Sometimes I wonder if we get so caught up in wanting to understand everything that we miss the importance of understanding just exactly what He did do for us. 

Papaw was productive. In the prime of his life he held a full-time job at Sayles bleachery while also maintaining a family farm. It occurred to me that maybe we aren't as productive as we should be. Maybe we have too much time to be searching because we don't spend a lot of time doing. He was always quick to help his family and neighbors, while today many of us do not even know who ours neighbors are.

Papaw knew that time was important. Even though he was blessed with what any of us would consider a good  long life, he knew that it could not last forever, so he took time to invest in those around him. He taught all of us lessons, if we were willing to listen. He knew that whoever was right in front of him was who he had to opportunity to help, he didn't search it out he just knew it.

Papaw knew that his church was his true family. Papaw understood that nothing happens by chance, even the community that you live in. He loved his church, worked hard for his church and was no closer to any of his children or grandchildren than he was to the men in his Sunday School class. He was not an educated man but worked and studied very hard to contribute to his church. He didn't leave the first time his feelings were hurt or he needed something "deeper". He worked hard to be the change the church needed to be at the same time trying very hard not to hurt feelings or be easily offended.

When I look back on Papaw's life I will forever be grateful that he showed me what true living is. He was clearly a person the bible describes as "salt of the earth" for anyone that came in contact with him left more "flavorful" than when they came. The most beautiful thing about Papaw's life was that the living never stopped. Because he knew Christ as his Savior he just went right on living. Only now there's no health scares, no trouble breathing, no leukemia and he gets to TRULY LIVE in the presence of Jesus! I know he'll  like that because as he said just before he died, he "really liked living."

Because The Lord Holds My Hand

I recently messed up, BIG TIME. And as always when that happens the devil likes to make us think we're not worthy of anything. The very day that this happened, Ellie started asking me questions about salvation, and the first thing that came to my mind was "Don't ask me, I messed up huge today I am in no way the person you need to talk to about matters like this." So I was honest, I told her I had messed up big and that she would too but that the Lord knew that we would, and he died for us anyway. It was an eye opening moment for me. I did mess up, He's not proud of it, but he still loves me. I know there will be consequences for a long time, there always are in matters like this, and they're deserved. But I take comfort in this...

Psalm 37:23-24

 ²³ A man’s steps are established by the LORD, and He takes pleasure in his way. ²⁴ Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, because the LORD holds his hand.

Heart of Stone

I don’t cry easily, I’ve even been told I have a heart of stone. It was said jokingly but the truth is I don’t cry easily. When I get hurt or mad I talk, usually to my demise. J Lately it seems like it’s just been one thing after another, just crazy things, things that shouldn’t bother me but do. I can usually tell when I’ve said too much because my friends or husband let me know, in nice caring ways of course, that they’re sick of hearing me, and they should be, because instead of talking to them I should be talking to the One who can do something about it. The Bible says in 1 Peter to “cast your cares on Him because he cares about you.” That’s my prayer for my life right now that I turn my cares into prayers because God really does care about me, he understands me and why these things hurt me the way they do. I don’t know why but He does and I know he will use it for His glory if I get out of the way, because He can use me, even if I do have a Heart of Stone. J

Four Sisters

June, Kate, Joyce and Joann, those are the four sisters. The oldest, June, is my grandmother and for my entire life I have watched the unusual dynamics of these four sisters. The closeness of these four sisters surpasses my understanding, especially considering no two of them lived in the same county for the at least the last 40 years.

Almost three years ago the youngest, Joann was diagnosed with leukemia. In true fashion, Aunt Jenny (as she was known to most of us) fought with grace through three rounds of chemo, each one keeping the cancer at bay about half as long as the previous one. No one was surprised at how she kept her sense of humor and her compassion for those around her during the awful treatments. She loved the Lord and knew, that no matter the circumstances, he would guide her.

Aunt Jenny's life had not always been easy but she used her circumstances to help others. She had a compassion that can only come from the hard things of life. She had lost her first husband early in her marriage and at a young age. I remember her ministering to me when I suffered a miscarriage because she too had suffered one and knew the pain that comes with that. I'll always remember her understanding and care in that time of my life, she never forgot that baby and how much she loved it and wanted it, and it made it okay for me to grieve my loss.

Her pride was her family. She loved her husband, daughter and granddaughter in ways that one only can, after suffering great loss, and she was crazy over her sisters. But she also loved the rest of us. She was my great-aunt, but made sure to be involved in my life. The last time I saw her she hugged me, told me she loved me, and then she told me how proud she was of my family.

When the third and final diagnosis came, the sisters rallied, they all came back "home" one more time, Joyce even came from Phoenix! The doctor's had said the time would be swift and they were determined to make the most of it. They spent one week just enjoying each other's company, sharing and loving on each other. When one seemed weak the other would be there, it was a picture I'll not soon forget.

The doctor's were right, the time was short and Aunt Jenny died shortly after that week. My grandmother came to see me after all of the services and she had taken a few days to recover. She said, "I know Joann is better off, but for me...." and she couldn't finish because the pain was just too great. Aunt Jenny was 75 when she died and between the four sisters they had experienced almost everything imaginable together.

But the greatest thing they will ever experience together is heaven, because all four of them had accepted Jesus as their Savior. One day no time, distance or sickness will ever be able to separate them and they will be able to spend eternity together with the One who designed it just that way. That's the most important thing the Four Sisters taught me and I'm so thankful.

 Aunt Jenny with my Grandmama June and Papaw Wyatt

 Aunt Jenny and Aunt Kate

Aunt Jenny and Aunt Joyce